clementine the house

I haven’t known what to write for months. It is easy to write about the garden. The growth, the smell of basil in the kitchen. It is harder to write about the personal growth, the difficult arrangement of beings. The last two months have been the most challenging. I think because I haven’t been home much. Not sure if I am hiding or just seeking refuge in the arms of my new lover. Not sure why it would be called refuge other than that is what it feels like. We all have been going through changes.

As far as the situations go:

Talia is moving back to Norman, about thirty minutes south of us, where her daughter goes to school. It has been so hard for her to drive so much. She seems exhausted all the time. I feel like I haven’t seen her in forever. I miss her smile.

Penny has been taking care of her parents in Norman. They have both gone through surgery and her brother who is homeschooled has special needs. She is getting ready to tour for a few months. The shed is almost done. She will have a little place of her own soon.

Drea got fired from her job and on the same day was offered job teaching in France where she lived for four years. She is at that crossroads place. She is having strange dreams and not sure what the next step in her journey is.

Megan just returned home from traveling. She tried to go to Canada but she was turned away at the border for “not having enough funds.” They searched her car and read her journal and asked, “What are you, a pagan or something?” She did have a tanned hide in her back seat and a basket of fresh herbs. She instead went to stay in Vancouver, WA for a few days and then down to Black Mesa, AZ to help an elderly couple on their land. She got lost in the mesa with sheep for ten hours but says it was the best learning experience ever. I bet she is the cutest shepherd.

I don’t know what I am doing. I am constantly thinking about traveling and truth be told, I may just be having anxiety about being in one place for so long. Or about the relationship I find myself in. Or about this crazy thing called a FUTURE. I don’t know why we put so much emphasis on this future thing. Maybe I am the only one.

As the kids start back in school, we are experiencing some shifts. There are decisions to be made. Do we keep doing this collective thing? Is it worth it for all of us? With Talia moving out, I will need to have at least one housemate paying rent. I find myself craving space. I like to think these are normal responses to the first experience of collective living. I like to think that there is a way that we can make it work for all of us. I am not sure what the FUTURE holds but I am slapping it in the face every time it calls my name.